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Did you leave a prosthetic leg on the bus this morning? - w4m

I found a prosthetic leg wearing a Lucchese brand cowboy boot on the bus this morning. I'm not sure what brand the leg is, but it's only the shin and foot portion and it's not mechanical looking. Rather, it looks semi-real--almost like it could be from a giant plastic doll or something. I hope you don't mind, but I went ahead and tried the boot on. Magnificent! At first I wondered why a prosthetic leg user would have purchased such a comfy boot. Then I figured that you probably have another leg and foot that actually work and they probably really appreciate the cushion and arch support provided by the Lucchese boots. I really hope I can meet you and ask you more about your condition. I wonder what Koreans would say about you if you went in for a pedicure. Do you get charged half price for pedicures? That would be fucked up if you didn't. Do you think they'd charge me full price if I went in for a pedicure with you?

Anyway, I really want to give you your prosthetic leg back because I imagine that you're hopping around, or worse, forced to wear a makeshift papier-mâché leg, or worse, forced to wear a thick tree limb like a pirate. Hopefully we can meet for lunch sometime and I can give you your leg back. Oh, and please only respond if you're attractive. You see, there's this fantasy I have, like a modern-day Cinderella, where I finally meet the owner of the leg and he turns out to be a charming prince. Well... maybe not a prince. I want you to be a sexy cowboy war hero who has had one of his legs and both of his testicles blown off in a grenade explosion in Afghanistan. It would be really romantic for you to sweep me off my feet in some café downtown. And then we'd both fall over because your makeshift tree leg wouldn't be able to support both of us. We'd share a laugh. I'd kiss you on the cheek and then reattach your professionally made prosthetic leg for you. Based on how breathtaking your prosthetic leg is, I can only imagine that you're incredibly handsome. I would have taken a picture of the leg, only for the pleasure of readers paging through, but I don't have a digital camera. I did the best I could sketching it. Please know that this is now way as amazing as the real thing!

-Candy

• Location: Bus
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